Desly

It didn't seem that long ago that I found u through yahoo classified. I posted a classified looking for a small dog to adopt and I got you. You were my first dog that I held fully responsible for. You weren't the nicest dog and me not knowing how to deal with it doesn't help.

It didn't seem like too long ago that I've got u. but somehow, years goes by and so many memories have been created.
I'll remember the times where I was just started learning to cut your nails and spend hours in the toilet.
The many times I got bitten by you because u didn't like what I was doing.
The times we took 1 hour bus ride, smuggling u up the bus in a carrier bag, just to go to Bishan park or expo for a dog event.
The times u were so fussy with the type of dry food to eat.
The many times u ran away from home and I have to stick notices around the neighborhood to look for u. (but as u grow older, u eventually know ur way home and I've reach a point where I've stop worrying about you getting lost)
The time I taught u 'bang' and u quickly learnt how to do it and mum keep showing that off to everyone.
The many times mum threatened to give you away because u were biting hao and everyone else.
The time u did got given away to mum's friend and end up not eating for 4 days and we have to bring you back.
The time I send u for castration and the vet injured your ureter and u end up having to stay in the vet clinic for a week.
Your nightly routine of sleeping under the blanket beside me under my armpit.
The many times you'll charge at anyone who come near by bed while I was sleeping.
The many times u try to wake us up when there was strangers outside the house in the middle of the night.
The time I bought ticks home from work and u end up being infested with ticks and I have to shave u bald.
The time u gave me a scare with your big lipoma, or ur torn cruciate, or that dyspnea episode.

As u got older, arthritis and heart condition may have gotten the better of u.
u weren't able to jump onto the bed anymore, u wasn't able to do the 'bang' trick anymore. u didn't want to walk that far during walks anymore till it reach a stage where I have to carry u up and down the stairs.

Years gone by, there are period of time where my life got busy and I may have neglected u. But thanks for always being there. Always ready to ask for pats, always ready to greet me at the door, always ready to go for walks and do your marking everywhere around the neighborhood, always hungry and ready to eat. I'm sorry I have to leave u to pursue my goals. I'm sorry I didn't get to spend much time with u the past 4 years. Thanks for still remembering me even though I was away.

I thought being a vet nurse all these years would make it easier for me when it's time to let u go. But apparently I was so wrong. At that point of time, I wish I didn't have so much knowledge about disease condition, I wish I didn't have any knowledge about assessing your quality of life. I wish I could just be ignorant and think that all that changes with you is because u r getting old. I'm sorry it took me so many days to make the decision. I'm sorry I'm wasn't there during ur last week or moment. perhaps if I was there, I would have made been more decisive with my decision and u wouldn't have to be in pain for so many days already.
Somehow, the day I decided to let u go, u started deteriorating really quickly. This whole thing came at the worst timing ever. With the last trimester pregnancy and exams the following day. Making a decision to go home or not just wasn't the most straightforward answer.
I'll never know if that's a coincidence or perhaps u did know my struggle. I'll never know if the sound u made during our last video call meant something that u might want to tell me. But thanks for making the decision to go on your own. I'm glad u are pain free now.

Run free my friend. I hope there's lots of nice food for u in doggy heaven.
You weren't the cutest or friendliest dog a person would love at first sight. But it's true when they say chihuahua is a special breed whom only the owner would love. Thanks for the memories the past 16 years my grumpy old man. You'll always hold a special place in my heart. :')