Reflections

So I started my first overnight shift 2 days ago. Having being working as a surgical nurse for the past 1 year, I almost forgot how life as a ward nurse is. although both involves dealing with dogs and cats, but the difference is so huge.

Surgery patients are mostly healthier as compared to hospital ones - of course u need to be healthy to a certain extent in order to be allowed for surgery. They are the conscious, mobile ones. And once after they had their surgery, most of them become healthy again after recovery. Having said that - it means that the physical aspect of my job involves more of handling and restraining them (because they still got the energy to fight with u); and that also means that they are conscious enough not to dirty themselves.
Working in surgery - u seldom get emotionally bonded with the patients, because they usually recover fast, and go home pretty soon.

However, my first overnight shift after 2 years reminds me of how ward nursing is the every opposite of surgery - which I have the "privellege" of not having to deal with that often. Ward nursing is messy, dirty, tiring (from cleaning cages), and emotional. All the cleaning of cages which involves massive diarrhea, urine, vomitus and blood.
Looking at those critically ill patients - where they are so weak that they could only lie down there, not moving much, lying in their own pee and poo  - that hit on me once again - I've been wokring in the surgery and seeing so many successful cases,  I have took it for granted and forgot how fragile life can be. How helpless one could feel - both the patient themselves and the people taking care of them. because even though u tried to make them feel as comfortable as possible, u know that they still feel terrible inside.
The helplessness that a nurse may feel sometimes  - even if u monitor their stats closely, they may still passed away in the end. Mortality rate seen in surgery is close to zero. But in ward nursing - it's like part and parcel. All those mixed emotions that one will experience in ward nursing but not surgery.
I am not sure if I should be glad that I am working in the surgery now and could avoid all these emotional conflicts. but a part of me still like ward nursing despite all the negatives. It could be rewarding too - seeing a sick patient recovers and went home.

If there is one thing I've learnt about life from working as a vet tech, that is - life is fragile and shit happens. We need to learn how to let it go when need to. In many things in life, we just need to 看开点。No point holding on to a grudge or clinging on to an emotion. Life still goes on - and u never know when a life will end. It can happen in seconds or months. Shit really happens.

For a moment after writing this entry - I felt like I've reached the path of enlightenment and self-awakening. I don't need to practice Buddhism to reach that - my work have taught me that. hahahahaha.